If you ever had the chance. Would you turn back time? Would you change something in your life? What about altering the past? Would you be okay with the consequences? Those questions have been invading my mind lately. Once a day or every few days depending on what’s going on. I am always thinking…what if.
What if I could go back in time and change something. What do I change? If we had the ability to change our past. Would it change our future or would it somehow not change the future? Yes, I have thought about that. I always feel like I have that kind of luck. No matter what I do, I feel like I would still be walking the path I am now.
When would I go back in time? I can never decide. If it’s something that maybe happened five years ago. I could go back maybe five years and a month. But, there is a chance I might need to go back further. Every turn we make. Every decision we make? That’s a road we walk down. Imagine, as you have to decide what to do. There is a road sign. One leads to an uncertain future. The other? Same thing, an uncertain future. No one knows what tomorrow brings. You might think. I’ll go down this path. I know I’ll be safer going this way. But, maybe you shouldn’t have done that. Maybe, you should have gone down the path with the dark woods. Why, must we choose the side that has rainbows in the sky? I’ve learned that you can never trust the side that always looks good. Looks can be deceiving after all.
I always wonder though. Because of that one decision. Did that decision make every decision after that go further down the rabbit hole? If I had gone down the other path, is that a safe path? Maybe when it’s time for another decision. I pick the wrong one. That could lead to a rabbit hole.
I hate when my mind wonders like that. It’s sucks being an analyzer sometimes. I always prepare for the worse. I can never think of the positive. Well, no I’ll take that back. When I hit a crossroad. I think, this is it. I’ve got this. But in the past seven years it seems when I do think that, it all goes downhill. Maybe it’s just my thirties? I never remember being this bad in my twenties. Is this a part of growing up? Will I relax more in my forties?
There are reasons, I know I shouldn’t change my past or future. Maybe it was God, putting me on this path. Maybe if I changed my past and future, I would lose friendships or opportunities. Opportunities that might not have happened if I changed my future. I might not have a huge social circle in my life right now, but would I still have that social circle if I changed my path?
So, unless any of you know how to time travel, I guess I need to look to the future and change the path I’m in. I can’t go in reverse, but I can take the crosswalk and cross the street. Once I cross the street. I’ll just have to keep analyzing, but I can still change my future. It’s never too late. Even when I’m eighty I can……I hope.